Steve Wright in the Afternoon

Radio 1

Features

• Mr Angry : usually ranting down the phone line, ending with "...it makes me so angry... I could throw the phone down!" followed by the receiver crashing down.
• Diamond Geezer: supposed DJ/mixer, and voice for the track "Mr Spoons"
• The "Down-the-Pan" Daleks: two 'retired' Daleks in improbable domestic situations
• 'Easy Life'
• Dr Fish-Filleter: source of much innuendo about fishy fingers, etc. Had his own 'jingle' sung by Steve and his Posse when the interview had ended.
• The "Horrible Voice"
• The Boss: a gentleman with a very deep Caribbean voice who only ever said "yes Sir, Mr Wright sir" to everything he was asked.
• Edward the Garrulous Fencing Champion: his catchphrase is "I epee you"
• Mr Food
• Gervais the Hairdresser
• Hopeless Weather Girl: a parody of the brand of 'bimbo'-esque weather girls seen on British television in the late 1980s. She doesn't know much about meteorology.
• Maggot – an odd character with a high pitched voice.
• 'Mick and Keef': not the real Mick Jagger and Keith Richards, but impersonations. Bill Wyman also made occasional appearances.
• David Bowie: again, not the real David Bowie but an impersonation; "Bowie" frequently asked "tell us what the time is".
• Linda Lust: her catchphrase is "Spatula" in a sultry, sensual voice.
• Llama Man: Spoof signature tune: "Llama man, Llama man, does everything a llama can. He can bleat! He can trot! He's got everything a llama's got."
• Motorcycle Courier – who left his motorbike running and would scream "SIGN 'ERE PLEASE!" from his motorcycle helmet regardless of what was asked of him.
• Mr Mad:, would phone in, refer to Steve as "Pal" and would ask "Guess where I'm livin' today?" then proceed to name improbable locations ; then would end the call with vocal whistles and beeps and his catchphrases were "Ravin' mad, pal!" and "Check up from the neck up".
• Mr Paranoid
• The Parking Man – constantly shouting two instructions 'You're Alright, You're Alright' and 'Left Hand Down' to someone trying to reverse their van into a parking space outside the 'window' of the studio. Would sometimes end in a calamitous crashing followed by silence and then 'You're Alright!'
• The Car Cleaner – would phone, but would be impossible to understand anything he was saying as he would be cleaning his car. The noise of the vacuum would drown out the majority of the conversation, leaving only innuendo-based snippets.
• Pretentious Music Journalist: supposedly based on a number of 1980s rock/pop reviewers, he reads a little too much into a band's songs with over-complex and artistically pretentious monologues where a simple explanation would suffice, e.g., "They generate a sonic cathedral of sound" means "loud".
• Sid the Manager: supposedly Steve Wright's agent, a genial but often confused duffer
• The Men of Kent
• Voiceover Man – converses with Steve and 'the posse' about everyday events in the style of an MFI/DFS television advert voice-over.
• The Perv: heard tapping at the window calling "Yoohoo! Hello Stevie! I'm in the corridor..." and describing his startling attire.
• Damien the Social Worker
• Ruth McCrum from Northern Ireland who told Wright "you've got the perfect face for Radio"
• Fred Crosswell, the cinema manager
• The Geese, out-of-control Canada geese loose in the studio; "can we get the geese out of here please".
• John Bowl, based on the journalist John Cole, who would often lose his temper with Steve, addressing him as a "dough head", and would also always say "Listen, young man, I'll have a little bit less of your lip".
• Boutros Boutros Boutros Boutros, a stuntman who attempted remarkable feats with a staggering lack of success.
• Malcolm from the Arts Council, a well spoken Arts Council official, who would address Wright as "Stephen" and threaten to pull the show's funding when the DJ teased him.
• Mr Contestant, a hopeless call-in quiz-show contestant who would always blow the final part of the answer under time pressure and end with the same nonsensical answer, like "Name the 4 Mutant Ninja Turtles"... "Donatello... Michelangelo... Rafael and, erm, ahhhh" "Got to hurry you" "...eerrmmm, ohhhhhh Hartley Hare!"
• Dave Double Decks. An over-enthusiastic local radio DJ "Haha, yess indeeedy !" was his catchphrase. created by Dave Lea
• Archie Wivell, his chain-smoking joke writer who could be heard coughing and scribbling, then starting to chuckle.
• The Newsagent: He would usually forget to bring the newspapers with him for Steve to read, despite this being his job. He would sometimes recite a list of occupations he wanted to have, but then immediately counter each by stating he wouldn't want to do what was required of that occupation. Examples: "I want to be a brick layer, but don't want to lay bricks.", "I want to be a farmer, but don't want to farm", "I want to be a chicken, but don't want to lay eggs." He had flatulence and throughout his chats with Steve, he would loudly blow off several times, saying "excuse me" each time.
• DJ Wakner: a throwback to the rave scene, this over-excitable DJ's catchphrase was "Spacious!"
• Grizzler: A permanently worried man who would describe his latest set of worries. In one sketch, he told how he was taking a parachute lesson and had asked his instructor what would happen if his parachute didn't open. He said his instructor had told him he had a reserve parachute he could use. Grizzler replied by asking what would happen if his reserve parachute didn't open, to which his instructor had replied "don't worry, Grizzler, by that time, you'll only be six feet off the ground and I know you can jump that far".
• Cap'n Fishy: An apparent parody of Captain Birdseye, this character would make slightly coarse comments. Paraphrased example: "Summer's coming lads and you know what that means... phwoarrrr!"

  Radio 2

Format

Features

• Guest interviews, usually two or three per show.
• Non-Stop Oldies: a mixtape of around six songs submitted by a particular listener, often with sentimental value. Contrary to the segment's name, some of the songs played are not necessarily classified as oldies by the general public, as songs from as late as 2009 have played during the block. The songs are played with almost no breaks although that changed in 2017, and now Steve does play trailers for other upcoming shows on Radio 2
• Factoids: short items of trivia. This segment spawned two books; Steve Wright's Book of Factoids in 2006 and Steve Wright's Further Factoids in 2009.
• Barry from Watford: Approximately once a month, "elderly lifestyle guru" Barry from Watford visits Steve and delivers his take on popular culture.
• Hands up: Steve asks 2 or 3 questions between his first and second song with a round of applause in the studio such as "Hands up if you are liking the warm weather?".
• Big Shout-Outs: Listeners send Steve messages via text or email.
• Serious Jockin': In mid-2014, Wright introduced a new Friday feature, Serious Jockin', where he plays tracks, often disco music and house music, back to back with listeners' texts and emails. He invites listeners to send in their "no G puns", which he reads out on air; for example, "I'm playing my electric guitar; serious rockin'". The music ranges from 1950s to the present day and has an iTunes and BBC Music playlist. Wright focuses on a mix of Hi-NRG anthems from various decades under the Serious Jockin' banner. During this segment of the show, Wright often refers to himself as DJ Silly Boi. Whenever DJ Mark Goodier fills in for Wright, he does a similar feature called "Serious Mixin'" which starts fifteen minutes earlier than Wright's block and is throughout the week instead of just on Fridays.

Former features

• "Do You Remember?": Once or twice a week, the team reminisced on how things were when they were growing up, often in a humorous fashion. Subjects discussed included TV programmes, cars, household appliances, food, shopping and travel. Listeners also often sent in suggestions to contribute. It was shortly discontinued.
• The Big Quiz: A popular feature that disappeared in summer 2007 with the start of the BBC investigation into 'rigged' contests. It was a general knowledge quiz in which a challenger took on the current champion to win prizes. Each had a time limit to answer questions, the round ending with the first incorrect answer. Winners were given a selection of prizes, building up if they remained 'champino', whilst the loser gained a 'Sustificate of Muppetry' if they did poorly.

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