Following her wedding to Jay in 1774, she spent the early years of their marriage at her father's house in Elizabethtown, New Jersey. Her husband would visit her there when he was not serving as a state official in New York. In 1779, he was appointed commissioner to Spain and Sarah joined him, moving abroad. Her role as a society lady was equally important once this post was secured. In Spain, Sarah Livingston Jay's role in diplomacy was sufficiently important that she would receive one diplomatic visitor in her bedroom when she was too ill from morning sickness to rise. In France, she would plan and host the Americans' celebration of the signing of the Treaty of Paris, albeit in absentia because she had only just given birth when the event took place. History leaves too few traces of women, but if one's role in society smoothed the way for the diplomatic process then Sarah Livingston Jay can be credited with aiding in the ratification of the Treaty of Paris in 1783. Sarah Livingston Jay regularly attended salons and the Monday night dinners hosted by the Marquise and Marquis de Lafayette. Participating in Parisian society was part of Benjamin Franklin's strategy for tightening the bonds of French-American relations. Sarah Livingston Jay played her part in society so well that she was once mistaken for Marie Antoinette by the audience of a theatre in Paris, "on the entrance of the American beauty, arose to do her homage." Her social circle included Adrienne de La Fayette, Angelica Schuyler Church, Abigail Adams, Abigail Adams Smith, and Anne Willing Bingham, and the connections forged by these linkages were crucial to future diplomatic successes.
Return to New York
Upon returning to New York, Livingston Jay's experiences in Europe and French language skills were applied to hosting officials from the diplomatic corps and other guests in the U.S. capital city of New York. Livingston Jay would go on to serve in her hospitality role as the wife of the first Chief Justice of the United States and First Lady of New York. In New York, "Elizabeth Schuyler Hamilton|Mrs. Hamilton, Mrs. Jay and Mrs. Knox were the leaders of official society." "In the society which marked the early days of the Republic, in New York, then the seat of the Continental Congress, Mrs. John Jay...was the acknowledged leader," and Sarah Livingston Jay's "Dinner and Supper list" for 1787-8 contained the names of notable men and women who were the midwives of a new nation, including: General and Mrs. Washington, Colonel and Mrs. Bayard, Alexander and Elizabeth Hamilton, Dr. and Mrs. Rodgers, Elias Boudinot, Daniel Huger, and the DeLancey family. An image of her handwritten list is, considered "the most famous American "society"-type document of the eighteenth century". In an era when dinner tables were the nodes of social networks, when a house was not the private realm it is perceived to be now, the social capital inherent to a dinner list was tendered as political capital. Like many of the Founding Mothers, credit for any and all of Sarah Livingston Jay's contributions as spouse to a prominent politician have been subsumed by her husband's reputation. As coverture is no longer the law of the land, however, subsuming Livingston Jay's biography under her husband's is to perpetuate history's error: "we think women were sitting around tending to the tatting or pouring tea, and it's our view of first ladies too and it's all wrong. These were very, very politically passionate women. Their letters are full of politics and they were utterly devoted to the patriot cause." This misunderstanding may well have been less true in Sarah Livingston Jay's lifetime than it is today: "While denied direct participation in the political system, elite women's roles as republican wives and mothers was understood by Americans at this time as a political necessity."
Personal life
On April 28, 1774, Sarah married John Jay, a member of a prominent merchant family in New York City. He was one of seven surviving children born to Peter Jay and Mary Van Cortlandt, the daughter of mayor Jacobus Van Cortlandt. Together, John and Sarah Jay had six children:
